FOCAS

Hello my lovelies~ (: I AM BACK. :D WITH UPDATES ON MY START OF A NEW LIFE IN POLY.

PEW PEW PEW!

 Yeah so recently I just went for my very first polytechnic camp! Three cheers and three cheers and three cheers for meeee~ Cue applause and hiphiphoorays! :D 

Yayy. Camp is over.

So anyways, I found the camp on a whole, a rather interesting and fun experience. The activities, sleeping locations and people were entertaining (at most points, though not all), comfortable and soft-spoken yet pleasant respectively. To be honest, I didn't really had high hopes for this camp at the beginning after I first heard how my GL sounded like. He sounded so 'dao' and serious that I had no idea how to react. Turns out, he was a pretty nice guy who was witty and funny in a funny way. Pffthahaha. The other two GLs were pretty cute too! The female one was very very hardworking and presumably, tries her very best to make sure we are all accounted for. The other male GL was a crazy fellow with a lot of enthusiasm and thrust. Yes, thrust. Pelvis thrusts. (x

Staying within the boundaries of not-standing-out.

Throughout the camp though, I remained rather quiet as I didn't want to stand-out so much/take the lead and attract attention. Since I'm not pretty or have any particular outstanding quality, I decided to take a step back and let others do the work. And since everything turned out superb, well, G-O-O-D-J-O-B~ Good job, good job! I did my part in a sense that I cheered when necessary and helped others out if it was absolutely needed I guess. Besides, it's best to be a wallflower at times. (:

 

I believe many of my camp-mates/new school-mates found me a little rude and quiet. I'd like to think I am not that much of serious and silent person though. I mean, I just don't want to talk unnecessarily and miss out crucial information. (': I'm sorry to them if I ever made awkward talk and shit. 

BUT I AM NICE. I SWEAR I AM. D:

I'M WASN'T A STUDENT LEADER PRESIDENT FOR NOTHING IN MY SECONDARY SCHOOL. D:

Agh, but you know what, since I went to the camp with my boyfriend and we were separated into entirely different groups... It was pretty much like this half the time. 

Light touches /allthefeels.

Sigh.

 He was a HULK and I was a FLASH. ASDFGHJKL. 

Truth be told, I think that the chances of us drifting apart during poly will be at least 50-50. I'm not sure how I feel about this. A little nervous and a little excited maybe. Nervous in a sense I'll be on my own again/going single and a little excited because I WILL be on my own. That scary feeling of starting afresh makes me all nervy. 

But. I don't want to drift.

Then comes the moment when you would probably ask how/why would we drift. Hmm, probably because of the soon-to-be conflicting schedules, camps and totally different lifestyles I suppose. Not forgetting schools. Our personalities and social circles are rather different so I feel that, hm. Things may happen and when they do I'm just going to be prepared. Already I can feel the surface of the ice crack a little. I'm just worried. But anyways, we'll see, I mean it's just beginning. He says it won't happen. But when you meet new people, you'll tend to forget the old. Partly a reason why I really want to migrate overseas when I start working and start ENTIRELY afresh in another country and environment. I'll be more comfortable in a place where I can wear long sleeves and long pants daily. Boots too. Negativeness begone! D:<

Haha, it is a known fact that girls think a lot more than guys but... How can we not when actions speak louder than words? I suppose it's a little bit rude to not ask about it but. Well. Sorry that we read in on the little-est of details because we care so much. In fact I didn't make more new friends probably because I felt that if I did, I wouldn't ever make time for my old friends anymore. So y'know what. It's about time to show my true colours. (: /strength. /levelup.

 BUT ULTIMATELY, ALL THESE NEGATIVE THOUGHTS HAVE NO MEANING AND I'M JUST OVERREADING THINGS. YAY. :D So yeah, now that I've spit and vomitted everything out, my heart feels so much lighter than it was before. YES MAN. That's the power of blogging!

Oh right, speaking of which. I had a... Scary dream last night. It was about my mother. She fell. I was... Scared. Very scared. I can't help but worry for my mum these days. After the incident with my dad, I feel that she may be a bit insecure and might break or go crazy anytime. Plus, with that leg problem I'm just upset. More than I'd like to admit and not to boast but... More than I'd want it to happen, my dreams come true most of the time. And after this dream... I really don't know. I don't really want to talk about this to anybody because they'll just brush me off as being superstitious/thinkingtoomuch... Blahblahblah. But it isn't a sin to care about other people. Also, not forgetting the fact that it's a sensitive issue... Bah.

Anyway a song I heard recently, it's lyrics in particular clicked with me somehow. It's Korean. It's Lee Hi's new song - Rose. 

 Every rose has its thorn. 

Video link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ff_SuAzll90&list=LLhPf1QYWFd2FlOT74KfI75g&feature=mh_lolz

I agree with most people when they say I'm nice. I am nice. But, inside my heart I actually harbour a lot of negative thoughts and feelings. Like thinking that so and so are mean and fucking hypocrites. I just don't say them out. If people knew what I was thinking, they'll probably hate me to the core. I haven't yet met a person who I can completely be myself around with to be honest. :/

 Anyway, that's all I have to post. I'm so terribly sorry that I'm a cruel and over-thinking person. (:

the bearcub stares at you intently with eyes that could pierce your soul. then shrugs and walks away.