To Be The Best

Have you ever felt like you're never good enough? 

Or maybe just good, never the best in something? 

For me, I have felt this way plenty in my life.

A Jack. Of all trades. ;D

Sometimes, I like to think I'm jack of all trades but never the best in anything. Mediocre is something that I constantly describe myself as. I'm able to do many things well, but not be the best in it. I don't have anything that makes me stand out or make people turn their heads and take a second glance. And I'm beginning to realize this even more as I go through teenage-hood and soon, adulthood. You might think, "Hey, at least you're good in so many things. I can't even bloody do shit! I suck in everything!" But no. It isn't. Do you wanna know why? Because in this fucking retarded society and human caste system we have everywhere. Being good is NEVER enough. Really. NEVER. And I fucking mean it. You need to be the best lest you get left behind and forgotten. In Chinese, we have a saying - “一山比一山高” This literally translate to - "One mountain, is always higher than another." So my question is, who in the hell is Mount Everest?

This is why competition exists, wanting to be the best in everything or one thing that you feel most passionate about. And to be honest, I like being the top. I don't like the feeling of being beaten or climbed upon. But why? What happens if everybody is the same and nobody is better than anybody? Could competition be the meaning of life...? Maybe that's why we have natural selection. When some of us don't make the cut or don't have that particular X-Factor, or even when we don't excel or don't have a particular trait that makes us stand out. We just rot. And die. Our existence serves no purpose and we just simply vanish off the face of the Earth and no one would care or bother. 

Then I question myself, what if you're already the best? Then what? What happens next after you climb to the top of the food chain and nobody can beat you anymore? I have so many questions yet with no answers to my curiosity. Being the best makes you what - A king? I admire those who are above me, in terms of almost everything. To be the best isn't an easy task. For you need to be either one - a born genius with everything or two - extremely diligent in almost everything.

In our entire lives, I believe you need 7 Things to be the Best. To be the center piece of the entire display shelf. To be the crème de la crème or so you would put it. The following list below will help you to "unlock the truth behind being perfect". Pfft, I laugh for it is simply ridiculous at so many things we need to be the best. Life is never fair is it?

Being pretty?

1. Beauty

More often than we'd like to admit, ALL of us like pretty things. We admire, worship and praise things which are beautiful in all forms. Some people say beauty is skin deep. Well, wake up honey. Don't trust those lies. Truth be told, they're probably the ones that believe the most in how beauty is truely the one thing that rules all. I know this sounds really cynical but hey, for you my dear reader, you like pretty girls and handsome guys too right? Both men and women with good looks and sexy bodies. And woah, I'm not judging you, we're all only humans after all right? Don't live in self-denial that you think because a person isn't pretty you still like them. Deep in your heart you know you want better. You want MORE. Greedy now aren't we? Well, rest assured, it's not something new and it certainly is perfectly normal.

Besides, this is why some people turn to plastic surgery. Why does plastic surgery exist? Initially it was meant to help people lead better lives. To remove the plague that tortures them so. To be able to live comfortably if you have disfigurements or medical conditions that taunts you from within. But now, plastic surgery has turned into a tool of vanity. Where people of all ages turn to it for help to be beautiful and pretty and all things good in order to be complimented.

Personally, I'm not a Madonna alright. And I'm not being a sour puss but I'm just simply stating mere facts that in life, beauty is essential to leading a good life. But deep in my heart, I really envy people who are pretty because I myself am not the best in this criteria. So I sigh, for a I am not photogenic, I am not pretty. I am nothing here. It hurts my self-esteem ya? I will never be pretty and it pains me so.

Anyway, I've seen it alright. Pretty people gain much more than you think. People blessed with godlike looks are truly blessed. Oh, before I forget, just let it stay sane to you that beauty is in the eye of the beholder for those of you who still think beauty is nothing compared to the heart. (Though you should really look at the big picture... Just sayin'.) Being beautiful is not a sin, but it does help you get places yeah? Almost instantaneously, you're popular, which leads us to our next step to being the best.

Hey now, you're an all star, get your game on, hey.

2. Fame

To be exceptionally popular is one of the things most people deny is a good thing because people get jealous. But y'know, to be beautiful gains you instant fame. 'Nuff said. One more step to your ultimate triumph. Fame comes to people who are beautiful in all ways and haters gonna hate cos they're just not good enough. They're jealous, overwhelmed by emotions that terrorize them and intend to persuade them into thinking you're horrible because you're better than them in terms of looks and because you stole the eyes of somebody close to them.

Have no fear though. If you have fame, next comes power.

As much power as Bubbles on a pogo stick powerful!

3. Power

Why is fame linked with power you ask? Well let me tell you why. With fame comes supporters. Supporters are equivalent to an army. An army has a commander. That commander is you. And as a commander, you have the power to have everyone at your mercy since your army is defending you. So as long as you stay famous, not many are able to touch you physically. Emotionally however is another story but with so much power, what can you not do? In fact, nobody can tell you what to do since you're the one in charge. 

But y'know what, power can come in the form of many things. From having influence, to being the heir of a throne and to having the ability to do things others can't. Power is like strength. Take the Hulk for example. He's buff, big and fucking able to defeat an army and even a fucking god. Bravo to the hulk. So my opinion is that power is just being able to have the strength to do whatever you want.

Use power wisely though, for you influence many and being powerful does not entail being a douchebag.

"Shut up, I have power. You can't tell me what to do."

Hahaha, I'm kidding. Do what you want. So as long as it doesn't bother me, I'm entirely fine with it. But take care not to anger your supporters for they are one of the main reasons you are in power.

Moving on, what does power give you? It gives you your damned money that's what, which leads us to our next step...

A treasure chest... Perhaps. It is filled with your fortune?

4. Wealth

Oh, you might think money doesn't mean a thing in our petty world but Earth to you my friend. Money makes the fucking world go around. Where does evil come from? From greed. Greed of everything good. And what makes you survive? What? Food and water? Well, you need money for that shit right? EVERYTHING IS MONEY. EVERYTHING. My goodness. With an excessive, disgusting amount of money... So many things are available and possible at your hands.

You might think I'm being a sucker for money and I'll do anything for it but really who are we kidding here. Money is basically the epitome of everything we hold dear. Everybody loves money okay. If you gain a little, you're happy. If you gain A LOT, you're on Cloud 9. I'm not going to explain more about wealth because simply putting it, if you don't like money and if you don't like being rich, you're a fucking idiot that's what. Sorry to break it to you sugar, but money is one of the things you need to have in order to be perfect in the eyes of us humans.

Thus, money is wonderful. But what's even better than money...? What does money not give you? Simple, being healthy and normal. Up next, we have one of the best things that ever happened to us.

Get all the right grub you need to stay healthy ya?

5. Health

Gamers know this as HP. 

Without HP, you can't even walk. 

Without HP, you aren't able to do shit. 

And you know what? 

This fucking applies to real life too.

Being healthy and normal is a magnificent thing and you shouldn't take it for granted. In a world like ours which is tormented by illnesses and painful. Oh painful things... We need to be careful with our fragile and weak bodies. Take care of ourselves. For if we are to succumb to illness, we can no longer do the things we want to do as our body deteriorates into nothingness.

So to be honest, first and foremost. You need to be healthy. You need to be able to have life in you. Without life you are dead. LITERALLY. You need to thankful if you're a healthy person really. Thank your parents. Thank God for all I care. Just be glad you aren't diseased and you should be alright to go. Stay healthy with your mind, body and soul okay?

It's crucial to succeed in perfectness. Which brings us to being... Smart with so much on your list already.

To be intelligent is to use both sides of your brain to it's fullest extent.

6. Intellect
Have a brain for Christ sake. You'll need it to stay on top of everyone else. With a brain that is utilized well, it may have the potential to conquer the world. But you gotta use both sides. BOTH. This is important.

Both brains hold different types of information and retain memories. Memories that are necessary to be an intelligent person and not fall for trickery or even lies. Memories that help you recall what's right, wrong and even help you conquer that stupid maths exam. Ahaha. Being smart really does help with everything so this is really good for being perfect.

I'm sorry my descriptions are getting shorter. It's about 2:07am and I'm shivering from hunger pangs. I'll edit this more if I have time. (Which I'll probably procrastinate and shit happens then.)

Last but not least... To live a life to it's best and to perfection... You need...

7. People Who Give a Damn

Doesn't matter who.

Doesn't matter what.

Doesn't matter when. 

Doesn't matter where.

Doesn't matter why.

Doesn't matter how. 

 

If people give a damn about you, you are downright a lucky bastard or bitch. This means they care for you. And not in a hi-bye kind of way. I mean actual love and kindness and all things good. They want the best for you. No matter how ugly, how weak and how unruly you are. They will care for you.  Whenever you're feeling down, whenever you're not the best. These people are here for you. My advice is for you to choose the people you stay with very wisely for the ones closest to you might be you downfall as well. Nevertheless, you definitely need support on your journey to become the best.

 

 

Godspeed and I hope you enjoyed this little post of mine that dictates life... In my eyes.

the bear cub sighs a little. the bear cub stands up from the rock it was seated upon and walks towards the twilight, captivated by the beauty of it all.

the greatest love.

zomgz. soooooo. squealworthy

OVSPRFK

Is the glass half-full or half-empty?

 Define.

-"a person with a positive outlook on life."

-"a person who habitually sees or anticipates the worst."

Quite polar opposites eh?

I'd like to talk about this two traits today.

Personally, I think I'm a optimist. Cheery, always smiling and calm. Always encouraging others to do their best and everything will be OK in the end. But deep down, I'm really just a pessimist. I lack confidence, and I assume the worst-case scenario in almost everything. I don't trust judgement and I hate hearing criticism. Which probably means showbiz isn't my kind of thing. I wonder why different people can have different outlooks on life, so vastly different too. Sigh. Be it being happy all the time or an emo ass, both have their ups and downs. It's all dependent on how you choose to live your life and how you feel about it.

Being the sunshine all the time gets a little boring and vice-versa, but I'm one to talk, heh! But... *Shrug* Boredom is easily found when we have no aim in life. Being an emo is difficult too in the modern society, people reject negativeness, yet are so negative themselves.

 

Could it be due to our upbringing? Our DNA? Our mindset? Our religion? Our race? I don't know. Afterall, we're all the same species of living things - Humans. A strange class of our own. 

Now, on the reality and fantasy. I'll be honest, I hate my life. I hate it. Loathe it. Absolutely abhor it. It's miserable, boring and filled with uneventful days. Sometimes I wished life would be a little bit more interesting in terms of random cool events that happen, or people. After watching a drama recently, I realized how pathetic my life is. Finding people who care is really tough and everyone is selfish as fuck. Then again, it is a drama so I don't see why my life should be a drama. But okay, I admit. I want it to be. 

I want all the cheesy shit, maybe not all, but some? A love? A MELODRAMATIC LOVEEEEE~ Omoooo *Goes all googly-eyed*. Sigh. I want something cool to happen to me! Whenever will that happen pfft. Alright alright, it will NEVER happen. (': Well this sucks. 

Anyway, that's pretty much all I've gotta say for now actually... Hmm. Can't think of anything from the back of my head right now. I'm kinda sleepy.

(the bear cub stretches and yawns cutely)

  

Just a photo of a pretty husky.

<3

Influence

Rawr.

I think the power of influence is super duper strong.

The power to make people think what you want them to think... It's not easy to comprehend. Nor is it easy to master or manipulate. I think with the right influences, people will change for the good and vice versa.

Peer pressure, following the trends, listening to 'mainstream' music... Etc. All these influences we see around us are all so scary. It's scary because one can easily lose their identity in this whirlpool of influences. You know, most people assume that to be cool, you should follow whatever the latest trends are. If you don't, you sometimes don't stand out. 

I don't like to stand out. So I minimize my window. I don't become a person that likes to interact much these days unless it's a conversation I can contribute to. I try not to be a know-it-all even though I see almost everything that happens... Afterall, nobody likes a know-it-all. Nobody likes a goody-two-shoes. If I can help, I will help. If nobody replies, I will. If you have nobody to talk to, you can come to me and I'll listen. But y'know, listen to me in return and I'll love you for life. Help provide opinions to my conversations/topics, keep up with my conversation and encourage me, PLUS listen too? Dayummm. Let's get married and have lotsa babies. Aha! I kid. But no seriously, I'll worship you. :D

I actually adore the husky. It's my favourite breed of dog. If bears didn't exist, wolves would be my true loves. Be a husky and I'll love you.

Sometimes I wonder if I put myself ahead of others more than I'd like to think. Do I? Really? Is putting myself first before other really that bad? If I don't put myself first... Who else will? I... Want somebody that I can look up to, an inspiration. Somebody I can rely on. A partner that I can depend on no matter what the situation is. I don't mind being alone though. It isn't so bad. I think.

I'd like to think of myself as a nice person... I'm not unnecessarily mean or ignore people I don't like... I mean, meeting people and having things to talk about is part of life ya? You get my drift? But sigh.

To be yourself is what counts right?

I'm not perfect. I have my flaws. I at least know that. Don't be so harsh.

It is true, I think of things incredibly far away, I always ask rhetorical questions, I always always think that everybody has a good side. I have an attitude problem. But y'know, so far, I haven't been myself lately. I'm just really. REALLY. REALLLLLYYY lost. I'm serious about this. I really don't know much anymore. I don't know. I DON'T FUCKING KNOW. And this scares the shit out of me.

What's in a name?

Anime? K-Pop? American-music? Drawing? Photography? Guitar? Arts & Craft? Badminton? I don't know. They don't seem to stand out to me as much anymore. Because... Of influence.

Y'know what are some things I want most now? I want to play pool, not as a sport or anything... Just... For fun. As something I'll indulge in once in a blue moon. Another thing I wanna do is to play FPS games. Games like Skyrim or like, Sniper. ): I also want to travel to Japan, Korea or Australia... You get my point. I don't want to stay here in this country... It bores me sometimes... ): Call me an ingrate but seriously that's how I feel more than half the time. Throw me on an island with basic necessities and internet and I'll be happy.

But what I really want... 

Is to have purpose in life.

I sometimes think guys are lucky here in my country because, they have two years in the Army. They have more time to think about their futures more in-depth-ly than the girls do. And when they come out, they head to universities and start to pursue what they want.

The girls, after JC/Poly we head straight to universities then begin our life forever and ever until we die.

What will the future be like I wonder?

 So scary, so scary.

 By taking it slow and easy, will it work? Most people these days are shallow and don't look deeper into what a person is.

Sigh.

 I'm so terribly sorry I keep repeating myself on these points.

Anyway, back to the topic of influence.

Influence isn't easy to mitigate. Nor is it easy to avoid.

YOU CAN NEVER ESCAPE THE SHACKLES OF SOCIETY BECAUSE ALL OF US ARE INTELLIGENT BEINGS. WE WILL FIND OUR WAY TO YOU.

YOU WILL BE JUDGED.

HAHAHA

Sounds so fucking screwed up ya? :D 

So that's it. Influence is the doom of us all. Oops, maybe greed... Hmm, that's not right. Actually y'know what? All the seven deadly sins are. And I'm not even religious.

Fuck it, y'know what, I LOVE MOPING. ._. I FUCKING LOVE TO REPEAT MYSELF OVER AND OVER. I can't hold proper conversations. FUCK IT ALL.

Oh right. Not to forget. Check out this Korean girl group called Nine Muses. D: They are so so so pretty and I am soooo jealous.

 

9MUSES(나인뮤지스) - WILD(와일드)  

just click this link and all will be fine. (It's a youtube link so no funny ideas ya'll.)

the bearcub imitates an aeroplane flying. swoosh~

#Allthefeelsthatibottleupsometimesthenletoutrantrant

Feelings are scary emotions.

Sometimes I don't know what to think, how should I express myself? How should I speak in a way that people won't get bored of me? That's not really being myself isn't it... I worry and think about many things but who should I tell them to? I have so many questions unanswered and feelings bottled up.

School is getting a little hectic thanks to projects and tests coming up. Social circles have started forming and I'm like a jellyfish drifting aimlessly. I have no idea where to go, who to hang out with. I'm quite lost. No close friends and I don't feel like going out much. Pool! Pool! I want!

Anyway, I'm having an existential crisis at the present moment! And guess what! I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT I LIKE ANYMORE. ): What are my hobbies? Interests? UKELELE?! D: Nou. I don't know anymore. I'm so aimless right now. I need to find purpose, meaning even! I don't know! ): I must definitely try to figure something out... Y'know how the most successful people in life usually took the risk and went on the path that no one thought they would succeed on? I'm not on that path. Because... Because it feels safer to be on the 'safe' path.

Life under the sea.

I sorta want a fairytale yet I don't. It's so magical and lovely that it's almost impossible to forget about it. Much less disturb the honor of it. ): 

Though I almost always ask people to be happy, optimistic, proud of themselves and confident... My self-esteem is sometimes low. I constantly wonder if I'm good enough a person to some people... I don't know. Maybe I'm not all smiles and joy all the time. Maybe sometimes I want people to listen to me too. Maybe sometimes I want to let it all out to somebody and they would just hug me and listen to me and nod and tell me that everything is okay, everything is going to be fine with them by my side and help me solve my problems. Maybe I'm tired of being the nice person all the time. Saying sorry, being obliging... Being nice. To people who don't give a damn. To the stupid people who always take advantage of your nice-ness and everybody and thing around them because that's how they roll and we be hatin' them.  Pfft.

.

.

.

Some people take things that they have for fucking granted.

 Society is never nice. Never. We humans are far too "intelligent" for our own good seriously.

To begin afresh again and again almost everyday? Maybe... I would like that to happen. Then I'll be the one taking things for granted. Sigh. A big circle that repeats and repeats itself.

Do you believe in karma? I do. I believe what goes around comes and around and we are bound by destiny to have these things happen to us.

 please don't get angry at me. please don't be bored around me. please don't give me an attitude... I'm sorry if I ever did anything to anger you.

 Karma is creepy and it comes right back at-cha with no warning. Just be nice to people unless they're asking for it. Don't be a bitch. Just. I don't know... If everybody become good people, the world would be a better place.

I don't like some people. They annoy me. They make me so angry and frustrated that others can't see who they are for who they really are. I'm not much of a speaker anymore but that's okay... In due time, they will know and figure it out and say... "Oh wow."

RANTRANTRANT.

What is my existence for? Why am I here?

 Friends... It is hard to manage so many of them. Do I have that many anyway? Who are the ones that count and who will be with me...? ): I don't know sometimes. I'm confused and emotionally screwed up these days. Sigh. Perhaps that's the reason why I don't know what I want in life again.

I guess I need career guidance. Maybe... Help and support from people that count. That matter most. ):

But really. I don't know anymore.

Feels as if that person went a really long way and here I am still standing and staring. Feels far away. There's that ache but it's okay. Sometimes it contradicts. Sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes people come and go but it's alright. Maybe it could be time to let go.

Busy busy as always. And once again the social circles are entirely different. I blame myself at times then I realize... Maybe. Just maybe. 

BRIEFLY.

.

.

.

.

.

Should this end?

.

.

.

.

I don't want to be the one that always waits for that reply. 

Hands edging on the phone. 

Always. 

Maybe it's just PMS but I feel pretty darn frustrated now. It's unfair.

   

the bearcub sighs and turns its back towards you.       

FOCAS

Hello my lovelies~ (: I AM BACK. :D WITH UPDATES ON MY START OF A NEW LIFE IN POLY.

PEW PEW PEW!

 Yeah so recently I just went for my very first polytechnic camp! Three cheers and three cheers and three cheers for meeee~ Cue applause and hiphiphoorays! :D 

Yayy. Camp is over.

So anyways, I found the camp on a whole, a rather interesting and fun experience. The activities, sleeping locations and people were entertaining (at most points, though not all), comfortable and soft-spoken yet pleasant respectively. To be honest, I didn't really had high hopes for this camp at the beginning after I first heard how my GL sounded like. He sounded so 'dao' and serious that I had no idea how to react. Turns out, he was a pretty nice guy who was witty and funny in a funny way. Pffthahaha. The other two GLs were pretty cute too! The female one was very very hardworking and presumably, tries her very best to make sure we are all accounted for. The other male GL was a crazy fellow with a lot of enthusiasm and thrust. Yes, thrust. Pelvis thrusts. (x

Staying within the boundaries of not-standing-out.

Throughout the camp though, I remained rather quiet as I didn't want to stand-out so much/take the lead and attract attention. Since I'm not pretty or have any particular outstanding quality, I decided to take a step back and let others do the work. And since everything turned out superb, well, G-O-O-D-J-O-B~ Good job, good job! I did my part in a sense that I cheered when necessary and helped others out if it was absolutely needed I guess. Besides, it's best to be a wallflower at times. (:

 

I believe many of my camp-mates/new school-mates found me a little rude and quiet. I'd like to think I am not that much of serious and silent person though. I mean, I just don't want to talk unnecessarily and miss out crucial information. (': I'm sorry to them if I ever made awkward talk and shit. 

BUT I AM NICE. I SWEAR I AM. D:

I'M WASN'T A STUDENT LEADER PRESIDENT FOR NOTHING IN MY SECONDARY SCHOOL. D:

Agh, but you know what, since I went to the camp with my boyfriend and we were separated into entirely different groups... It was pretty much like this half the time. 

Light touches /allthefeels.

Sigh.

 He was a HULK and I was a FLASH. ASDFGHJKL. 

Truth be told, I think that the chances of us drifting apart during poly will be at least 50-50. I'm not sure how I feel about this. A little nervous and a little excited maybe. Nervous in a sense I'll be on my own again/going single and a little excited because I WILL be on my own. That scary feeling of starting afresh makes me all nervy. 

But. I don't want to drift.

Then comes the moment when you would probably ask how/why would we drift. Hmm, probably because of the soon-to-be conflicting schedules, camps and totally different lifestyles I suppose. Not forgetting schools. Our personalities and social circles are rather different so I feel that, hm. Things may happen and when they do I'm just going to be prepared. Already I can feel the surface of the ice crack a little. I'm just worried. But anyways, we'll see, I mean it's just beginning. He says it won't happen. But when you meet new people, you'll tend to forget the old. Partly a reason why I really want to migrate overseas when I start working and start ENTIRELY afresh in another country and environment. I'll be more comfortable in a place where I can wear long sleeves and long pants daily. Boots too. Negativeness begone! D:<

Haha, it is a known fact that girls think a lot more than guys but... How can we not when actions speak louder than words? I suppose it's a little bit rude to not ask about it but. Well. Sorry that we read in on the little-est of details because we care so much. In fact I didn't make more new friends probably because I felt that if I did, I wouldn't ever make time for my old friends anymore. So y'know what. It's about time to show my true colours. (: /strength. /levelup.

 BUT ULTIMATELY, ALL THESE NEGATIVE THOUGHTS HAVE NO MEANING AND I'M JUST OVERREADING THINGS. YAY. :D So yeah, now that I've spit and vomitted everything out, my heart feels so much lighter than it was before. YES MAN. That's the power of blogging!

Oh right, speaking of which. I had a... Scary dream last night. It was about my mother. She fell. I was... Scared. Very scared. I can't help but worry for my mum these days. After the incident with my dad, I feel that she may be a bit insecure and might break or go crazy anytime. Plus, with that leg problem I'm just upset. More than I'd like to admit and not to boast but... More than I'd want it to happen, my dreams come true most of the time. And after this dream... I really don't know. I don't really want to talk about this to anybody because they'll just brush me off as being superstitious/thinkingtoomuch... Blahblahblah. But it isn't a sin to care about other people. Also, not forgetting the fact that it's a sensitive issue... Bah.

Anyway a song I heard recently, it's lyrics in particular clicked with me somehow. It's Korean. It's Lee Hi's new song - Rose. 

 Every rose has its thorn. 

Video link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ff_SuAzll90&list=LLhPf1QYWFd2FlOT74KfI75g&feature=mh_lolz

I agree with most people when they say I'm nice. I am nice. But, inside my heart I actually harbour a lot of negative thoughts and feelings. Like thinking that so and so are mean and fucking hypocrites. I just don't say them out. If people knew what I was thinking, they'll probably hate me to the core. I haven't yet met a person who I can completely be myself around with to be honest. :/

 Anyway, that's all I have to post. I'm so terribly sorry that I'm a cruel and over-thinking person. (:

the bearcub stares at you intently with eyes that could pierce your soul. then shrugs and walks away.